A few sweet revelations:
~If I am going to credit God and be happy in Him when my deepest longings and dreams are realized, then why don't I credit God's movement (even in my sorrows) and be happy in Him RIGHT NOW? I don't want sweet, future times to be burdened by feelings of regret that I just "couldn't trust God in my agony". I want to trust God when it feels like He's a million miles away.
~Perhaps some longings of mine (even miniscule longings) are being filled right now and I don't even realize!
Oh to have a morsel of hope :) I was listening to J.J Heller on my drive home tonight. I breathed in deep and felt the heaviest LIGHTNESS surrounding my heart...like my physical heart. Through various anxiety and sadness, it's as though something has literally been sitting atop my chest and it's an awful feeling. I can't remember the last time my heartbeat was so at ease...and I was thankful, thankful, thankful.
Mom and I got to talk and pray together tonight too. I LOVE late night chats with my mom, and all the wisdom and love she so graciously pours out. I'm SO blessed to have a best friend in her :) and thankful for the sweetness there is in this time...But I can only see it if I choose to look!
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